Burned out Mom

Let me just start by saying, I LOVE my boys and I love being a mom. But it can be so hard sometimes. 

I think I could sleep for a week and still feel tired.

Most days I just don't feel like there is enough time to get everything done. I know there is, but it's like I'm moving in slow motion. 

None of my kids were great sleepers. Rafe was pretty good but Damon and Jag- forget it. Damon woke up every two hours for months. I think he was 9 months old before he slept for a 6 hour stretch. Jag is turning out to be the same way. It doesn't matter what I do, fill them up with food all day and right before bed, cry it out, rock them to sleep, noise makers, fans, soft blankets- nothing seems to keep them asleep. I am finally getting Jag there. But he has been a struggle. And he can just cry and cry and cry and sometimes it works, but it never sticks. Everyone says just be consistent. That didn't work. So I just have accepted my baby is a bad sleeper and we are working on it. I think MOST of the problem is he's been teething, and separation anxiety. This last tooth popped up two days ago and his sleep has been so much better! So I will take the few days or maybe weeks of good sleep until the next tooth. And the serperation anxiety is slowly fading. Thank goodness. You mommas know what it's like to have a baby you can't put down, or leave the room, or nap without being attached to you. It's so exhausting. Especially when you have multiple kids. You just feel like if you can't get 10 minutes to yourself you're going to cry. When I was pregnant with Jag I got sick with cholestasis and on top of all the fear from that I got the worst sinus infection/ bronchitis in my life. I cried everyday just feeling so tired and crappy. Other than that time in my life I haven't cried as much as the last few weeks/month. Just from exhaustion and feeling like I can't have any time to myself. I looked so bad. Like if I was wearing clean sweats and had a shower it was a win. Forget about hair or makeup done. I just couldn't put the baby down long enough and if I did just let him cry I never could feel like, "yes! I got my makeup done and feel better!" It made me feel worse to make him cry. 

Anyways, I know I'm rambling. But I used to kind of laugh when moms would talk about this stuff. When I had Damon and rafe I would have a few days here and there like this but for the most part felt like I was on top of things. After jag- whole new ball game. Three kids is no joke. After months of little sleep and a needy baby I am just feeling run down. So I'm trying to make a goal for myself. To spend 10 minutes each day doing something for myself. Paint my toenails. Shave my legs, deep condition my hair- whatever it is. I need to take care of myself so I can feel like my whole entire day is just about my kids. I love them, but I need a minute to myself. It's the whole put your own air ask on before you help others situation.

Being a mom is great. But you are still a living breathing person who has needs.  You are everything to everyone else all the time and you need to take care of yourself. Even if it can be hard to find those few minutes a day devoted just to you- do it. Find the time. Leave the dishes. The floor can stay dirty for one more day. I found that my free time was going to cleaning. Nap times were spent scrubbing toilets and folding laundry and all that other garbage. Some days of course, but somedays maybe that's when you find some time for yourself and do something YOU want to do. I thought maybe I was depressed. Like late PPD. But the last few days I have been trying to do this, and have gotten a little better sleep and I feel much better. My mom has been here so it's been a little easier to make some time for myself. She left today so we'll see how easy this is with her gone. Haha but I just think when you're feeling run down, you just need to shut everything out for a little bit and take care of yourself. So that's my new goal! Wish me luck! And if you're feeling run down maybe you should try it too! 

C-section Recovery/ Round 2

Recovering from a C-section is rough. I always stay 4 days in the hospital so I can get every ounce of extra help I can get those first few days.
When my Dr. was putting everything together after Jag was born he told me that I had a lot of scar tissue around my uterus. Like so much he couldn't take it out and clean it all out and sew me back together like he usually does to his patients. So I didn't think too much of it at the time. Then at my 6 week apt. I asked him about it some more. He basically asked if I wanted more kids. I said, yeah probably 1 more. And he said that I should probably get a hysterectomy after my next c section and that he for sure wouldn't advice me having more than 4 c sections. Which is fine because that's a lot of kids and 3 is crazy, so if I can have one more, that'd be great. But the thought of having a hysterectomy seems so final. If I have a boy next then I'll have a hard time having it done. knowing I'd never have a girl is kind of hard for me. But if that's what happens, it'll be fine.
So after I learned all that about the scar tissue, I knew I would need to really take it easy for my recovery. I really try. But when you have 3 kids....... and you're stubborn.......sometimes staying in bed is hard. But I think I did pretty good. My mom was with me and was a huge help. So was Dan of course. That man is getting major celestial points for putting up with me and all my medical crap. he's the best.
This recovery I was bleeding.  quite a bit. For quite a long time. And that's not that normal for a c section. So I'm hoping that everything is ok in there! haha. I didn't want to pay the tons of $$$$ for a scan. and the bleeding was minimal by the time I talked to my Dr. about it. I just tried to take it easy and as long as I was up on my pain meds I was good to go! The nursing issues were way worse than the c section recovery. See my other post for that......
having a planned C section was actually pretty nice. I really liked picking out the date, going in and bam! It's done. No contractions or water breaking. No hours of contractions and no progress. I gave it a good try. Twice. So I feel great about having planned c sections here on out.
I didn't use a belly band or any waist trainer type things that they always say work miracles. I work like compression high waisted panties and those were great! You don't feel like you're going to fall out your incision, and they're comfy.
My best advice for women recovering from a c section/rules for myself when I look back on this;)
C section necessities are
comfy undies
sweats
good pain meds
a step stool next to your bed
Dr Pepper (for the dreaded #2. It works way better than stool softners. TRUST ME!)
Supportive Pillows for nursing. Behind your back and for under the baby. Your stomach muscles will hate you if you try to use them
TRY: not to laugh, lift, twist, or cough. Seriously 2 nights after my surgery I swallowed water down the wrong pipe and had to cough then sneeze and I thought I had ripped my stitches open. It was horrible haha.
Just try to take it slow! There are layers or stitches inside and it takes a long time to be able to move and stretch like normal without tugging and pulling and stiffness. Just be patient and let your body heal!

Nursing

Nursing this sweet boy has seriously been the worst.
First of all, I am part Heffer........I produce so much milk. Like I was pumping 9 oz out of each side in the beginning. Now it's just the usual 5-6 oz. But I seriously think I've had every problem you can have when it comes to breastfeeding this time around.
Mastitis
overproduction
engorgement
Thrush-twice
not to mention the numerous plugged ducts.
I've had lots of plugged ducts in my breastfeeding adventures. But this time it's horrible. It's like once a week. And I break out in sweats, chills, and headaches. I dread it! I know how to prevent them, yes. And I try to make sure my breast is always empty, that my bras are underwireless and all that good crap. but it still happens and it's seriously so annoying. I've considered stopping multiple times. But basically formula is expensive. So i've thought about pumping exclusively. Sounds like a huge pain in the butt and way too time consuming. When my baby is hungry, I don't have time to defrost milk. or warm it up. He's hungry NOW.
So I'm trying to roll with the punches.
But so help me if I get thrush or mastitis one more time! That will be the end of it.
Anyone have a hard time breast feeding? Anything help? It's a full time job, breastfeeding.

Jagger Matthew Morley

I have been so behind on blogging! Since having Jag, it seems like time has been flying by! He just turned 5 months and is the sweetest thing in the whole wide world!
A little about his birth!
If you've been following my other blog www.meetthemorleys.blogspot.com you might know that the end of my pregnancy was scary and super stressful. I don't know why I didn't write more about that here. So basically I was diagnosed with Cholestasis. Or ICP. There was too much bile in my liver and it was released into my blood stream and it is dangerous for the baby. I had a severe case and was being very closely monitored. Lots of ultrasounds and blood work and non stress tests. So I was so anxious to get him here. With cholestasis they don't like to let you go past 37 weeks. The risks are too high that your baby won't survive after that point.
It was a Sunday, 37 weeks exactly. I went into the hospital at 4:30. They hooked me up to an IV and all that fun stuff. Before I knew it, I was ready for my c-section. (I went ahead and did a repeat c section because of all the risks with my cholestasis. I just wanted to get him out and know he was healthy). I was so worried about getting a spinal because normally you're in pain from contractions so you don't hate the epidural as much. Thankfully it was a breeze and so much easier and less painful that I was thinking it was going to be. So once that was in it was only about 10-15 minutes before baby was here. I actually can't remember the exact time of his birth right now. I want to say 6:48 A.M.
He was so perfect. I was so worried there was going to be issues with him being born so close to full term. Not to mention all the horror stories with Cholestasis, and I also had too much amniotic fluid which has more risks to it as well. I just started crying when I heard him crying. I couldn't wait to hold him. Dan held him next to me and I was so happy to just have him here and safe. Just thinking back to how horrible the last part of my pregnancy was then seeing him for the first time makes me choke up. It's such a blur now and life has just been in fast forward mode since I had him. So when I sit back and think of all it took to get him here healthy, I can't believe we went through all that. He was so worth it. of course! but he is just the sweetest happiest little guy!
The boys instantly fell in love. They just adore Jag and are constantly trying to be near him and hold him. I love the bond they already have. He is the perfect addition to our family!