It has been far too long since I have updated my blogs. We got rid of our internet since I graduated and felt like I didn't need the internet anymore. I missed updating my blog, but find having internet can be too distracting for me. So it's nice to have it back....kinda;)
Well I wanted to put an update because this for me is sort of a journal. I put very personal thoughts and feelings on here for my own record, and to hope that maybe someone can relate to what I'm feeling or what's been happening in my life and with my kids. I hope to be better at updating this, and I would love to get feedback and comments from anyone who actually reads my ramblings! p.s. this is a long and detailed post!
SO in my last post, I was 33 weeks pregnant. My whole pregnancy with Rafe I was worried about the delivery. Most of you know how my first delivery went, and I didn't want the same experience with the second baby. Knowing that Damon was well over 8 lbs, my Dr. told me that vbac's are easier with a little smaller babies. So I needed to get him out before he was too big. (He didn't say that, but I knew that's what he was implying). At my 38 weeks apt I had him strip my membranes with the hope to get things started. I felt like I finally had everything ready and my house had been cleaned 20 times with Clorox wipes haha! I was ready to get this baby here and stop thinking about how the delivery was going to go, and just get it done!
My mom talked to me about taking castor oil. I heard a lot of negative things about it and lots of people just said it made them sick from both ends. Didn't sound that appealing. But it worked for my mom every. single. time. So I had her buy a little bottle and she came over to my house and I was thinking about taking it. It was January 5th about 2 p.m. Damon had just woke up from his nap, so I was getting him something to eat. I just had a good lunch of tortilla chips and queso dip with a dr. pepper. Really healthy I know;) Little did I know that was going to be my last meal for 24 hours. haha. I went to the fridge to get Damon some food, opened the door, and my water broke.
Me "uhhh, I think my water just broke!"
Mom "No way! Are you serious?!"
Me "......uhhh yup! That's not me peeing my pants!"
I really did have to stop and think about it before I called Dan and told him what happened. It was so cool to have that moment that you always see in the movies and stuff. Dan came home, I jumped in the shower. (Which was pointless. It just keeeeeeps coming!)
Off we went to the hospital. I was expecting contractions to start soon....but nothing was happening. They checked me in, I had a few contractions here and there and started walking around and bounced on the yoga ball. Nothing too strong. When you're doing a VBAC you don't really want to be induced. Something about pitocin increasing the risks to a VBAC, so I was really nervous to start it. After talking to my Dr. I felt more confident about it. It was 11:30 at night and I had been there since about 3 in the afternoon. I didn't want to start creeping up the 24 hr mark and not have enough progress. So they started Pitocin and I started having pretty intense contractions. Knowing from my last labour, my body has trouble relaxing and doing it's thing. After 3 hours I was in a lot of pain and they were coming so frequently and hard that I was ready for an epidural. I had little food in my system, it was almost 3 AM and had been in labour for 12 hours already and was getting worn out before the real work began. So I had the nurse come in and check me.
3 cm. 80% effaced.
That's what I came into the hospital at! What the heck is going on?! I was pretty defeated. I thought I would be at a 6 or something. So I was tired, and hungry, and ready for the epidural. Once the epidural was in, I could relax and get some rest. I wanted to talk to my Dr. because I needed a little pep talk. He came in around 4:30 and reassured me that even though things seemed to be going slow, things were going good. The baby looked good and was in the right position.....but he was face up. Same as Damon. That's why it was hard to progress. In the end, I couldn't push Damon out because he was too big and he was face up. SO all my worries about having to have another c section were coming back full force. Even if the baby was a little smaller, could I still do it? I was too tired to even think about it so I tried to go back to sleep. around 6:15 I started to feel some pressure. I was at a 7 and fully effaced. 45 minutes later I was ready to push. I had maybe 2 hours of sleep and was exhausted. Luckily my adrenaline was starting to kick in and I was ready to do this.
After about 15 min. of pushing, my Dr. had to leave to go into surgery. He told me he would be back in 20 min. about 45 min. later he came back. I pushed through the pressure while he was gone, but was so tired. About 30 more minutes of pushing and he had to leave again. The lady in the other room was going natural and was crowning. Totally understandable. He was back about 20 minutes later. Each time he left I felt so abandoned. I needed him to be there. He promised he would be there through the whole thing. Having a vbac has risks and I was worried if he wasn't there something bad would happen. The second time he came back he was there for good. I pushed...and pushed...and pushed. I wanted to give up so many times. I was so tired and felt like I wasn't making any progress. According to the dr and nurses I was pushing the correct way, but because he was face up, it's just harder. I didn't know how much longer I could push and part of me just wanted to throw in the towel. My kids have huge heads and like to come face up...doesn't make it very fun for me! haha luckily I stuck with it and after about 2 and a half hours of pushing on and off- little Rafe finally made his big appearance at 9:33 am on January 6th weighing in at 7.11 and 21 1/2". I was so glad that he was finally here!
He was pretty beat up so a lot of the brand new baby pics are actually kinda scary. I hate even looking at them but it's the only ones I have so I don't want to delete them. I had blood vessels that burst in my face and neck and shoulders so I looked pretty scary as well haha.
Looking back and remembering that day and how hard it was to push out a pretty good sized baby face up, I don't know if I would want to go that route again! haha I know that might sound crazy to some of you. I don't know if it was the lack of food and sleep and my dr leaving my side so much and having to push for such a long time...but I just don't know if I could do it again. There are definite pro's and con's to both. The healing time on a vaginal delivery is so quick! C sections take forever. and you can't pick up your baby by yourself for the first little while and you're pretty sore for a few weeks. I was up and moving and feeling great like a few days after Rafe. C sections take away the labor, the dialating and effacing. You know when your baby will be born. You don't have to push for hours. Whenever I have my third baby, I will have a lot to think about.
I hear women's birth stories about quick and fairly easy labors and I'm so jealous. I wish I could do that. I just think that my body has a hard time relaxing enough to do it's own thing naturally. I feel like I need an epidural because that's the only way I progress. I need pitocin to get things moving. and both times I've had to push for well over 2 hours. It's hell. Having babies is hard work! haha
If there are any mom's out there who have had babies who are face up, I would love some advice. How was it for you? And same for any mom's who have done VBACS. Some VBACS go so smoothly for some and it doesn't matter how much their baby weighs or if they go over their due date or anything. Is it just my body type? Is it just hard for me to deliver babies? I wish someone could just tell me what to do. I'm not pregnant and I'm not even thinking about having a third child right now, but when that time comes, I don't want to stress the whole pregnancy about what's going to happen when it's game time! Anyways, this is where I ramble. Thank you for those who have read this far. I know it's been super long and super detailed. But like I said, it's kinda a journal for me;)
so feel free to comment and leave your thoughts with me!