ICP/ Cholestasis

So if you follow along with my www.meetthemorleys.blogspot.com , you know that a few weeks ago our family got sick. Like ridiculously sick. The boys had colds and pinkeye. I got bronchitis and a sinus infection that was unreal. I have never been so miserable in my life. I would just cry to Dan like every day about how frustrated I was and how I just kept getting worse and worse. So I was on a z pack and it didn't clear my stuff up, so they put me on amoxicillin and some cough syrup and after about a week I started to get better. But then I started itching.....
Oh my goodness the itching.
It's worse at night and just starts with my feet and spreads all over my body and the more I itch, the worse it gets. I had an apt with my Dr. and told him about all the itching and how I have been on all those meds (he had been out of the office for a while so I had them prescribed by another Dr in the office)  and he looked a little concerned and started asking me all these other questions.
I had lost a lb since my last apt, which again, being sick I just figured that's why.
I was getting a lot of braxton hicks contractions.
and the itching was mainly on the palms of my hands and the soles of my feet.
He said he wanted to test me for cholestasis. I have never heard of cholestasis so I asked him quite a few questions which didn't put my mind at ease at all. But he made it sound like it would be a little crazy if I had it because it's usually genetic and it's more common in other countries and other ethnicities of women. AND I have never had it with my other two pregnancies. Which isn't uncommon, but kind of strange.
He mentioned that if I did have cholestasis that he would deliver no later than 37 weeks. There is a high risk of stillborn so I would also be monitored every week.....so he sent me over to get my labs done and I was just kind of in la la land about everything he just told me, but I was trying to stay positive. I wouldn't get my labs back for a week, so in the meantime I just had google.....curse you google. I love and HATE you.
So my labs came back and my levels were "elevated". I was in Boise for a few days hanging out with my parents and the boys and just getting the last few things I needed for baby. Idaho Falls shopping isn't the best;) and my favorite consignment sale was happening so I had to go! The down side was that I wouldn't see my Dr. for a week but he didn't seem too worried about it. He just told me to do my kick counts and if anything changed to let him know.
Tuesday morning was my apt. I woke up to do kick counts and I wasn't really feeling anything so I just got up and got the boys breakfast and waited to feel the baby kick. About an hour past and I started getting worried. So I laid down and rubbed my belly and started talking to him and just praying for a kick. He's usually pretty active and it takes no time at all to feel him kick. So after about 2 minutes I just started bawling. I was just waiting and waiting for him, nothing was happening. Not even a flutter. I had to get Damon dressed and ready for school then off to my apt but I just couldn't move. After about 10 minutes I finally got 2 little kicks on my hand. I can't tell you how relieved I was. That was the longest 10 minutes of my life. The worst part of having Cholestasis is the constant worry I have about my baby being Ok. Women talk about how they go to bed with a baby going crazy in their stomach to nothing when they wake up. That things can change so fast and you don't even know or feel different. It scares the crap out of me and it's just made me so paranoid.
So I went to my ultrasound an hour later and he was moving around and his heart was beating well so I was so happy! Just seeing his little face on the ultrasound made me so happy and relieved. She even gave us a few 3D shots, and he looks exactly like his brothers! His nose and his lips are the exact same.
Then we met with the Dr. I asked him a whole lot of questions. I wanted to know my levels on things and just how bad things were. My bile acid count was 45. The normal is 12. Then the 2 or 3 tests they did on my liver ranged from 200-500. The normal is 50. Women have higher levels than that all the time, but they are definitely high. Especially my liver tests. Having both that high isn't a good sign, so I'm being monitored twice a week. Blood tests, ultrasounds, and non stress tests. If anything changes we might have to deliver sooner. But for right now the plan is 36-37 weeks. I'm 33 weeks 5 days today so it's just right around the corner.
So the main question I've been getting is what is Cholestasis. Basically there is too much bile in your liver and the excess gets released into your blood stream. If too much of the bile salt gets to your baby, it's not good. The main risks are still born, preterm labor, and hemorrhaging. I really think I have this because I had my gall bladder taken out last year. There's no where for that bile to be stored and my liver cant keep up or process it through the right way so it gets back in my blood.
So I take 300 mg of urso 3 times a day. It's supposed to help get my levels down to a safer place. Then my Dr. gave me a pill to help with the itching and it has a sleep aid. That's been great to have but I find myself waking up at 3:00-4:00 every morning just wide awake.
I joined a support group on Facebook that has been pretty helpful. Some of the stuff can freak me out, but it's just the reality of the situation that can be scary. It sounds like a lot of areas of ICP are kind of a mystery and Dr.'s don't have a ton of experience and information on it.
Luckily my Dr is really great and seems to have a good handle on things. He's been talking to a really good high risk Dr. and I like having him in the loop. He asked me if I would like to be referred to him full time, but I feel pretty confident in my OB right now. Tomorrow I'm going in for a non stress test and I will hopefully get my labs back from the beginning of the week. Hopefully they will be lower this time.
I've been trying to stay positive and look at the silver lining in all of this.
I get to have my baby here in just a few weeks. I get to hold him and see his sweet face.
I don't have to go through the last month of pregnancy, which is the worst!
I get to have him before Halloween which gives me plenty of time to heal up from a c section before the holidays hit.
I have 2 siblings getting married so I have a little more time to feel like a normal person before their weddings.
The itching and worrying will stop once I have him. He might spend some time in the nicu, but he is looking healthy, and measuring big!! Most babies at 33 weeks weigh a little over 4 lbs, he is measuring at over 6 lbs! I've been measuring big this whole pregnancy, and I don't know how accurate the ultrasound is, but I think either way he will be a little bigger than normal so i'm hoping he will be nice and healthy even though he's about a month early.

The other day dan and I were having a little pity party about how it seems like life just always seems to be crazy for us. That when things finally start to turn around, it's only a little while before we get hit with something else. I saw this quote from Richard G Scott and it just really hit home for both of us.

Even though this is definitely one of the harder things we have gone through, I can feel the Lords hand daily. He helps put my mind at ease and I can't help but think that everything is going to be fine, even though the risks are scary. I know with Dan by my side we can get through anything. He's been my rock and always knows what to say or do to help me out. When I got home from Boise, he had the whole house cleaned top to bottom. Bathrooms, carpets, kitchen, EVERYTHING! The baby's room was put together and looked so cute. I cried when I walked in and saw everything, it was exactly what I needed. He said he just didn't want me to stress about the house being ready for the baby and he just wanted me to relax. He is so sweet and thoughtful. 

I know this is a super long post, but I have so much friends and family asking about this, and I figured this was the best way to keep everyone informed. I'm so grateful for the love and support we've had these last few weeks. 

24 Weeks and So tired

This pregnancy has been so different. So so different. It's made me realize how "easy" my other two pregnancies have been. This one just seems to keep throwing new stuff at me.
I have always been a girl that NEEDS sleep. Like a lot of sleep. I've never been someone who can sleep a solid 5 hours and wake up totally refreshed the next day. I seriously think I need double that. hahah. Ok not double, but at least a good 8 hours. Having kids changes your sleeping habits and I literally thought I was going to die when I had Damon and he didn't sleep for longer than 2 hours at a time for almost the whole first year. I remember praying every night, to "just let this baby sleep for 4 hours and I would be so happy! Please I need sleep! I'm going to lose my mind! " and once he was sleep trained, what did I do? Have another baby. Luckily, Rafe was a decent sleeper and before long they both slept through the night and were decent nappers an life was ok. And of course as a mother, you just adjust and get through it.
Damon stopped napping around 3 and Rafe stopped napping around 2 because Damon never napped and he would freak out if he was the only one who had to sleep. So they both go to bed around 8 and wake up around 8:30 which works great for us. We have had that schedule for over a year and half and I'm pretty used to it. The idea of going back to a newborn who is going to wake me up every few hours is freaking me out a little. I was just in the zone when I had Damon and Rafe so close together. I was used to it. Now I'm used to kids who sleep all through the night for a solid 12 hours. It's going to be interesting adjusting to a newborn for me.
The only thing that MIGHT save me is my sleep now sucks. For the last month maybe 2 months my sleep has just been so crappy. When we were living with my parents, we slept in seperate beds because I could sleep better. And I would pop a unisom and be out. Well I stopped taking those because then I was so groggy all morning and felt like I could sleep all day.
Then we moved and I was so excited to get my mattress back and get some good sleep without the unisom. Turns out our house doesn't have A/C so our room was a nice 75-80 degrees at night. If you know Dan and I we like it cold. Like year round 68 degrees in our house. So my sleep continued to suck. Then our lives were saved when Betty and Jerry gave us a floor A/C unit for our room. We have been in heaven ever since then and sleeping in a nice cool 68 degree room every night.
The last few weeks I have been fighting sleeping on my back. I am most comfortable on my stomach but my belly has gotten too big to really do that. I can sleep at an angle an mostly on my side but then I wake up and my shoulders ache and I'm never really comfortable on my side. When I sleep on my back I'm restless. All night. I don't know why! It's obviously the best position for being pregnant. But I just toss and turn all night. Get up and pee. Get up and get a drink. I Just can't get some solid sleep.
So this morning I woke up just feeling like I got hit by a truck. I feel like my body just wants to shut down and sleep for like 3 days straight. I am so tired! But I'm only 24 weeks! I didn't get this feeling with either of my other boys until I was probably 34 weeks. So I'm stressing. This is going to be the longest pregnancy if my sleep is already out the window. I think just moving and being on my feet and unpacking and organizing is slowly wearing me down and then adding crappy sleep to the mix and I just am exhausted. And I always feel like such a BABY when I'm telling Dan how tired I am because he wakes up before me and goes to work all day at a job that's pretty stressful and I know he's tired too. I just have no energy today and am feeling a little panicked about going through the rest of this pregnancy with such low energy then having a newborn and two little men to keep up with all day. I'm just going to be a zombie. And I don't want to be.
So! I need some help. What helps you sleep when you're pregnant? Unisom was a lifesaver for me in the first trimester but it ends up making me feel tired all morning. I'm active during the day and am on my feet a lot keeping after the boys and the house and stuff. Any special drinks or pillows or lotions or music or something I could be using to help me? I just keep waiting for the point in pregnancy where you get a second wind and start nesting and you feel cute and pregnant and have energy. That normally hits about 10 weeks ago and so the fact that I haven't felt that yet is freaking me out.

Belly Bandit!

Ok Mommies!! I was just on Pinterest and came across this belly bandit thing. So I went to the website and started checking it out. It looks like it might be something I would be interested in, especially if I end up with another c section. But I wanted to know if any of my friends have used one. The reviews on line are all over the place.  Sounds like the bamboo one is the way to go, but that you'll have to buy a smaller size after a few weeks. 

So I'm thinking IF I do buy one of just buying it in a smaller size and wearing it a few weeks after I give birth to get around buying two. 

ALSO, this might just be a weird thought but if I have a c section and wear this, is it going to heal me differently. Like I just imagine those three different layers of atitches all mushed together and healing to each other because this thing is supposed to be tight. Is that a weird fear???

So any thoughts or reviews would be appreciated!!! 

Blah blah blah

Yesterday was just one of those blah days. It wasn't a bad day, but it definitely wasn't good. Dans been out of town since Monday so I'm on mom duty 24/7.... Which I really don't mind cuz I feel like it gives me and the boys lots of time to bond and do random things that we don't normally do. Like stay up late and watch movies- or take them to lunch and shopping. We've had fun, but I'm tired! I don't know how single moms aren't zombies! Or women who have husbands in the military. I have so much respect for women who do it all on their own all the time or for extended periods of time. 

Anyways! Back to yesterday! I was running on about 5 hrs of sleep, which for me is about half the time I think I need. Rafe came in my bed around 630, so I turned on our tv and let him kick me in the face for an hr while I tried to sleep. I don't get this phase he's in! He won't cuddle.... He will crawl up close to you, prop his feet on you and if he wants Ur attention he just kicks. SO ANNOYING! Damon came in and cuddled for a but then they were ready for breakfast. I wasn't ready to crawl out of bed yet, and was feeling extra mom zombie pouring their cereal. I sat down on the couch then remembered I needed to give them their medicine..... Let me rant on that for a second.... My kids have been sick for weeks! No- we all have been sick for weeks- but if it's just Dan and I it's fine, when it's the kids I want to pull my hair out after a week. It started with Damon getting pink eye, then rafe got it, then Damon had a head cold, rafe got an ear infection and head cold, 2 weeks later their coughs settled in their chest, rafe has a double ear infection- even after the antibiotic. Now we r about 10 days later and I think we are over the worst! Dan and I have been sharing this nasty head cold cough can't sleep can't breathe thing that blows! It's been 5-6 weeks now. And while we're at it- I want to rant about obamacare. What. The. Heck. $600 a month for our family? NO THANKS! How is that supposed to help me? We opted out and are paying the fee. This month we've gone to the dr 3 times and have paid about probably $400 for dr visits and medicine. That's a lot of money, but when I put it next to the insurance premium, I'm ok with it.

Ok rant over!

So after they had breakfast we lounged on the couch for a good hour and I got a little nap. Can I just say how much I love that my kids will sit and watch a show and I can sleep right next to them? Awesome!

We went to the gym, and I think this is when I got in my funk.... I was huffing and puffing trying to get my time in on the elliptical and I see an old man a few rows ahead of me. His hair, the back of his neck, his little hunch.... Reminded me so much of my grandpa. So I'm kind of enjoying some memories of my grandpa while watching this old guy.... Then I caught a glimpse of his profile. I instantly start tearing up. He looked so much like my grandpa. So there I am- huffing. Puffing. And trying to hold back tears, which I'd you've ever tried to do that while huffing and puffing you know that you almost hyperventilate haha. So the rest of the time I was trying not to be a creeper bit couldn't help but watch him. I wanted to just go up and give him a hug. Say hello. But I didn't want to be a bawl baby or a super creeper. But then I went full creeper and took his pic and sent it to my mom. Yeah. Weird. Anyways, it threw me off and I couldn't stop thinking about my grandpa for a good part of the day.

So we get home and I'm doing to usual- lunch, clean, laundry, tried to get rafe to nap.... Not going to happen. So then I jumped in the shower. Both kids crying and screaming through the shower door that they wanted to come in. Ugh. I hate that! It's so weird for me to have two little boys and do that now. I feel like I'm going to scar them for life!  So I rush my shower trying not to yell at them for screaming and crying and throwing fits on the floor. I finish getting dressed and put rafe back in his bed. It's 3:30. Late for a nap but he clearly needed one. He fell asleep quick, and Damon and I hung out and finished getting ready. After about an hr I went to wake rafe. I needed to go to the store and we were going to go see my brother and his wife and little girls. I'm trying to wake rafe up, putting on his shoes and jacket. And he just doesn't want to wake up which is rare. He's always quick to snap out of it. So I'm cuddling him...... And then he puked.... All over me, him, his bed, everything! Didn't see that comin! So I rush him to the bathroom... We only made it to the hall and he puked again. On the floor, the wall and baseboards, everything. He's got it all over him, me, his hair and face, and he wants a hug. Why not? We're both covered in puke, we can share. Haha so gross. So i showered him off then got both boys in the tub, cleaned it all up and changed and did some more laundry. I felt so bad for him! He's been so sick, now I thought he was getting better, then bam! Pukefest.

The rest of the night we cuddled, had chicken noodle soup, and watched a movie and had popcorn which is their favorite. I was feeling better seeing how much fun they were having and it felt so perfect to be cuddled up on the couch with my little guys. Bedtime went so well, and I was feeling good so I thought I'd make their favorite poppyseed bread for breakfast. So I start baking. Then realize I don't have eggs. I didn't get to the store due to the pukemania.....but I'm already into the recipe. Freak. Luckily I had some bananas so I mashed those up, thank you google for the tip, and it turned out ok. But by the time I sat down to fold 4 loads on laundry I wasn't feeling well. Cold sweats and dizzy. What the? It came out if no where. So I just sat there folding laundry, sweating, and looking out my giant windows for the peeping Tom whose been in the area this week. I totally thought he was going to hit my neighborhood cuz we r in the country and it'd be harder for people to see him. And it was foggy. I totally freaked myself out but I'm trying to be a big girl and stay at my own house while dans out of town. I usually head out to my parents, but knew id be fine here.... Until I got online and read that story on ktvb about the creeper! Yeah I didn't sleep well haha

Anyways! This is a super long and random post, but I just thought some of you could relate to those blah days when you just want to face plant into a pile of chocolate and have a two hr massage before bed time....

Thankfully this morning is off to a better start! Rafe seems happy and went all night with no puke, and Damon's been extra sweet;) here's to the crappy days, that make the normal days seem awesome!

Potty Training!

Say hello to a mom who only has to change one babies diapers now!! Yayyyy!!! I can't tell you how overdue that was! Sheesh!

When Damon was like 2 and a half I attempted to potty train him. He seemed like he was ready. He showed all the signs so I thought, let's do this! Yeah, he wasn't ready. He would go just enough to get a treat and keep me happy then would go and empty his bladder somewhere else. So I waited for a few more months. Tried again, same thing. Then we moved to Texas and my pediatrician told me not to worry about it until we had settled in. We have been here a month so I decided to try and again and this time it went great! He's had a few accidents here and there, but the last 2 days there have been no accidents and I don't need to remind him to go! I'm so glad it's finally stuck! And another cool thing is that he doesn't pee at night, so there's really no potty training at nighttime needed! The last three nights he's gone all night with no pee in his pullup. He usually always had pee in his diaper so I figured I'd potty train for daytime, and work out night time later. But it's like the better he does in the day, the less he goes at night. And I even do the big no no and give him a sippy cup of water at bedtime. It's just something I've always done and since he was in a pull up I just didn't care. It's so dang hot here and the last thing I want is for him to be dehydrated. That was my first thought when he stopped peeing at night, but he drinks a lot of water during the day. We can go out and get groceries or whatever and he holds it until he can get to the bathroom. He was scared to death to go in a public bathroom the first time I tried to potty train. But this last time I made him go in the regular toilet, and I think it's less intimidating when we go in a public bathroom now. So it's no problem to him, although he hates the loud flush! haha

I'm so glad he's finally potty trained! I finally feel like I don't have to worry about him being 8 and in diapers;)  Rafe watches Damon's every move, so maybe I'll potty train him sooner. Like in a year haha. I'm not ready to do this all over again. I can't wait for the day when there's no more diapers! That'll be weird!

Comforting Pink Line

Let's get a little up close and personal shall we? Here's a little fun fact about me.....
I love this....

It's comforting. Stress relieving. It makes me sleep better too.
About every month right before shark week, I convince myself I'm pregnant! Seriously almost every month. Then Dan freaks out a little, and we convince ourselves that it will be ok! And we can handle 3! Right???
Then I break down and go buy a test.
Take the test.
Freak out for the longest 3 minutes of my life.
Then do a little happy dance and squeeze my kids and laugh at how ridiculous I am. Then I get just a little sad. Maybe another one wouldn't be so bad? Then Damon pokes Rafe in the eye with my mascara and I snap back to reality and think, yeah I'm good.
I'm not on BC because it makes me feel all weird and emotional. So we use.....alternative methods. And it hasn't failed us yet! But it's never 100% and that makes me nervous. We don't have insurance right now and our kids were both around the 25k range. Plus I'm just not ready to add another one. Damon isn't even potty trained yet...that's a whole post in itself, stubborn kid! My signs of being pregnant are usually pretty similar to when I start my period. Sore boobs, I'm tired, hungry, and cranky. Sounds like a blast right? So that's why I always freak out, because the signs are so similar!
There are definitely days when I think I could be done having kids. But then I think how fun it would be to have a girl! And I think I want one of those. SO down the road in probably a year or two we will think about it. But right now.....our kids are a little crazy and are a two man wrecking crew. They tag team me all day long. And I can't wait for bedtime to come so I can take off the mommy hat, then I see them sleeping and just want to wake them up and squish and kiss those chubby cheeks and realize how lucky I am to be their mommy and how much they have changed my life! Who needs to pee with the door closed anyways?

Toddlers Sharing Rooms!

Hey Mommies!!! So we just moved to TX and I have had my boys sharing a room for the last month of two. It's been working out pretty well, but there are times when it drives me crazy! I put them in the same room to help with the transition. I tried it after a few weeks at my parents house when my kids sleeping sucked! Bedtime routine would take like an hour, then Damon would be awake forever, Rafe would just cry and cry, and they would both wake up during the night and super early. So we all started sleeping in the same room and all the issues went away. I could tell they loved having eachother in the room. So when we moved we put them together. Bedtime has been cut in half for sure, and they are normally pretty good about just going to sleep. Naptimes are pretty impossible. Damon always wants to go wake Rafe up and play with him when he's napping, and I think Rafe has gotten used to having someone in the room with him, so now it's harder to fall asleep on his own. So he rarely naps. Right now he's passed out on the couch, which has been good so far haha! We'll see what happens in five minutes though. So nap times have been rough and now at bedtime Damon will cry for us if he's not tired and it keeps rafe awake, making both kids fussy the next day. You know how it is. Crappy nights sleep, cranky babies the next day!
Any advice? I've started giving them quiet time during the day in their room and will put a movie on for them. Sometimes they fall asleep, other times they just watch. Which has been nice to just have some time for myself.  But I don't like playing movies at night for them to fall asleep to. Theyve been getting lots of tv lately! Should I play music? Keep a light on in the room? or seperate them until they are older? We talked about getting them bunk beds, but I think they're still a little small for that. Mostly Rafe. anyways, any thoughts on how to make Damon be better about having Rafe in there with him?