31 Weeks!

Oh the homestretch! I can't believe it's already here and I'm just a few weeks away from meeting this baby girl!
It's bitter sweet being this far along. Sweet because it's getting so close and because then you don't have to be huge and uncomfortable that much longer, but bitter because you're huge and uncomfortable! hahaha
the sleep struggle has been real these last few weeks! Some nights are ok, other nights I feel like I'm just laying here with my eyes closed hoping the sleep gods will take me away to a perfect cloud that will form around my body and make me comfortable. That hasn't happened yet, but I'm still praying. ;)
Sleeping on my side is the hardest. I'm normally a stomach sleeper, so trying to sleep on my side is foreign. I usually end up on my back, but can never fall asleep on my back.....it's kind of annoying. But my hips and my shoulders get so smashed when i'm sleeping on my side that it's just not my fave.
speaking of hips, mine literally don't feel like they're connected to my body anymore! they're so loosey goosey and always feel like they need to be like popped back into place.
But all complaining aside, I've been lucky with my pregnancy so far. It really hasn't been too bad and the little things that i've mentioned before are just part of getting that sweet baby here! I'm just trying to remind myself of that while I'm a zombie through out the day. It won't be any different once she's here! hahaha
Today I had one of those morning where you're like, holy crap what am I going to do with one more child?! Like I cannot even handle these ones I have already! Jag is just going through this phase where he cries about anything and everything, he's not sleeping good, he's not eating well, and everything is a fit. Like how did I forget this stage?! and as soon as he's out of it, the next baby will be in it! I think he might be getting his two year molars......and he had a high fever last week and a sore throat so he's just been thrown off, but man! I'm ready for it all to get sorted out!
Then Rafe was having one of those mornings where he was just being really sassy. And he wanted to watch youtube videos on my phone and I wouldn't let him. So he was mad and crying. He had the fever and sore throat a few days ago, and so he's still off from that.
Don't you hate that?
Like when you're kids get thrown off their schedules or get sick.....and it takes days to get them back to normal. Everything is a big deal and they get super emotional or are sensitive about everything?! Yeah that drives me NUTS.
Damon was at school so he wasn't a problem, but between the two youngest I was like UGHHHHHHH! I called my mom and had that "What the hell am I doing having another baby?!" phone call. Which she then assured me I would be totally fine and it would all work out. I love my mom. Seriously, I wouldn't survive without her.
Then I realized I'M probably being overly sensitive and emotional because I'm pregnant and that my kids are really great and they are going to be the best big brothers and just spoil their baby sister with so many hugs and kisses! Sometimes you just need to put yourself in check, call your mom and have her reassure you it's all going to be fine, and you just go about your day.
Here's to hoping these next 8 weeks fly by!!!

29 Weeks

You know how you wish your pregnancy will fly by and just be over with so that you can hold your sweet baby? I've been trying to soak up the pregnancy and enjoy it but in the back of my mind it's like, okkkkkkk, come onnnnnn..........
I like being pregnant. Don't get me wrong. It's a huge blessing and I'm pretty fortunate to have decently healthy pregnancies. But this fourth time around is no joke. Chasing theses boys around is just zapping my energy. But I also am like......well when I have this baby it's just going to be even crazier! The nursing and the sleepless nights and healing from another c section just sounds like a marathon and i'm just prepping right now.
I had a dr apt this week and they did my gestational diabetes test, we did an ultrasound to check for Placenta Acreta, and we took some blood work to test for Cholestasis.
I passed my diabetes test!!! I know it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, but i'm always so relieved when I pass because it's just one less thing to worry about.
The ultrasound was good. Baby girl moves a lot! She's growing well and my placenta looked great!
And I'm still waiting for the results for my Cholestasis. I've started itching and it's just getting more and more as the weeks go on. So I'll be surprised if I don't have it, but I'm also itching more since they tested me. So this test could come back ok, but I might have them test again in a week.

In other news. Jag has started throwing these monster fits and I'm literally ready to lose my mind! haha this child is just crazy. He doesn't want me to hold him or try and comfort him. So I'll let him throw his fit and he just follows me around the house screaming and crying. It lasts for 15-20 minutes before he will finally let me hold him and chill out, but then as soon as I set him down it starts up again. Little things will trigger these fits. Not letting him have my phone or ipad. the brothers playing downstairs, him being hungry or thirsty, or just not wanting to be in the house. It's like ANYTHING will trigger it. It's just driving me crazy. I love that stinker, but these fits! Man. I have just forgotten what it's like at this age. I just hope they get a little better before the baby comes. His sleep is also sucking which just adds to everything. I just feel like a zombie all day.

Mother's Day was the best! I got to sleep in, have breakfast in bed, got lots of cuddles and cards from my boys, dan had the boys shirts all ironed and got them ready for church so I just had to focus on myself, and after church he cleaned everything, made and cleaned up dinner, and did all the laundry. Like I seriously struck gold with this man. He made my day so great and relaxing and I truly felt like I had a day off. It's tuesday now and not having to worry about laundry or some of the little chores you have to catch up on from the weekend has been so nice. I've just had time to do other things and take the boys outside and ride bikes. We have a crazy busy week this week and we will hardly see eachother until after the kids go to bed every night, so having those other stresses off my plate has been heaven.
I'm just glad that I have a husband who really appreciates me and my role as a mom. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't really care about my daily grind, but he always is listening and seeing how he acted and treated me on Mother's day just made me realize how much he really does care. Marriage can be tough and I'm so glad that I have a partner who helps me out and lets me know how much he cares and appreciates me.

DUUUUUDDDDEEE as we speak jag is just screaming in his crib. It's naptime and he's just not having it. Even though he's been crying all day. Like I seriously even took him to the dr to make sure he didn't have an ear infection or anything. So there's either something more going on here that I can't see or the terrible two's are just in full swing!   :(

Pray for me! haha

Baby #4 Update!!

Holy. Cow.

This pregnancy has really been flying by. Which is a nice thing, but at the same time I'm trying to soak up every minute because this is my last one.

I've had a few raised eyebrows about being done having kids. I know it's a big decision. I know it's hard to make. But I truly feel like I'm done. I never really saw myself with more than 4 kids, and after having 3 boys in a row, and now having a sweet baby girl, I'm totally ok with being done. I think if this baby would have been a boy I MAYBE would have considered having another. But since it's a girl, I'm good being done here.

Not to mention my health when it comes to having babies.

Each time it gets a little worse. This time around has been good so far. I'm hoping I don't get cholestasis again, but I will be surprised if I can escape it. The chances are usually pretty high that you'll get it again. It's not a fun thing. And with Jag, I seriously debated ever having another baby because of it. The worry and the stress is just so much to handle. Throw a few kids you need to take care of on top of that and by the end of each day you're just amazed you made it through. I should know sometimes soon if I have it again or not. It usually shows itself in the third trimester, I'm 27 weeks now. Last time I was 32 weeks when we caught it. I itch every once and a while and just feel so burned out which was one of the signs last time that I just never paid attention to. Like of course I'm tired, i'm pregnant and I have other kids to take care of. So anyways, we'll see what happens.

This pregnancy I was super sick the first 16 weeks......but when I say super sick I just mean nauseous all day. I never throw up, but just feel like it all day long.

I've felt pretty good since then. I have always been pretty tired no matter how much sleep I get. I was taking unisom almost every night and it just made me a zombie throughout the day. So I stopped taking it but every once in a while, like if I have a few nights of crappy sleep, I'll take half of one which is a lifesaver.

I've been surprised I haven't had heart burn really at all this pregnancy. Or braxton hicks, which I usually get pretty often.

Sleeping has been terrible and being able to keep up with the boys has been tough! They are so busy! Especially Jag. That kid is a tornado. He is everywhere. He's into everything. He has this scream that seriously makes my head hurt by the end of the day. He's figured out how to pinch, which the older boys hate. And he crawls on everything! He's definitely my most busy child.
Then we have soccer 3 nights out of the week and just chasing  Jag around for an hour to an hour and a half while the boys play, is not really my idea of fun.

They are just so busy. And getting so big. So fast. Which is bitter sweet.

With baby girl and Jag being about 20/21 months apart life is just going to get more busy. and more hectic. and just plain crazy. But before I know it, they'll be headed off to school and I'll be done with this phase of my life. Having babies, having toddlers, and having them need me for every little thing.

Bittersweet.

I love my babies and I know I'm always going to want a baby in my house. There's just nothing like it.
But I'm ready for that next stage. I'm ready for them all the eat by themselves and talk and walk and be potty trained. But even more, I'm ready for the sports and family bike rides and movies together. Where kids can enjoy those litte things in life with us. Like camping! I don't want to take my kids camping when they're this young. I'm way too much of a controlling mom hahaha! They need to be older, so I'm excited for that phase of life. Like 3/4 years down the road.

So I'm just trying to enjoy this last pregnancy. And enjoy my babies being babies. And trying to enjoy the craziness that is our life. Because before I know it, it'll all pass and they'll be in school and I won't know what to do with myself!

Burned out Mom

Let me just start by saying, I LOVE my boys and I love being a mom. But it can be so hard sometimes. 

I think I could sleep for a week and still feel tired.

Most days I just don't feel like there is enough time to get everything done. I know there is, but it's like I'm moving in slow motion. 

None of my kids were great sleepers. Rafe was pretty good but Damon and Jag- forget it. Damon woke up every two hours for months. I think he was 9 months old before he slept for a 6 hour stretch. Jag is turning out to be the same way. It doesn't matter what I do, fill them up with food all day and right before bed, cry it out, rock them to sleep, noise makers, fans, soft blankets- nothing seems to keep them asleep. I am finally getting Jag there. But he has been a struggle. And he can just cry and cry and cry and sometimes it works, but it never sticks. Everyone says just be consistent. That didn't work. So I just have accepted my baby is a bad sleeper and we are working on it. I think MOST of the problem is he's been teething, and separation anxiety. This last tooth popped up two days ago and his sleep has been so much better! So I will take the few days or maybe weeks of good sleep until the next tooth. And the serperation anxiety is slowly fading. Thank goodness. You mommas know what it's like to have a baby you can't put down, or leave the room, or nap without being attached to you. It's so exhausting. Especially when you have multiple kids. You just feel like if you can't get 10 minutes to yourself you're going to cry. When I was pregnant with Jag I got sick with cholestasis and on top of all the fear from that I got the worst sinus infection/ bronchitis in my life. I cried everyday just feeling so tired and crappy. Other than that time in my life I haven't cried as much as the last few weeks/month. Just from exhaustion and feeling like I can't have any time to myself. I looked so bad. Like if I was wearing clean sweats and had a shower it was a win. Forget about hair or makeup done. I just couldn't put the baby down long enough and if I did just let him cry I never could feel like, "yes! I got my makeup done and feel better!" It made me feel worse to make him cry. 

Anyways, I know I'm rambling. But I used to kind of laugh when moms would talk about this stuff. When I had Damon and rafe I would have a few days here and there like this but for the most part felt like I was on top of things. After jag- whole new ball game. Three kids is no joke. After months of little sleep and a needy baby I am just feeling run down. So I'm trying to make a goal for myself. To spend 10 minutes each day doing something for myself. Paint my toenails. Shave my legs, deep condition my hair- whatever it is. I need to take care of myself so I can feel like my whole entire day is just about my kids. I love them, but I need a minute to myself. It's the whole put your own air ask on before you help others situation.

Being a mom is great. But you are still a living breathing person who has needs.  You are everything to everyone else all the time and you need to take care of yourself. Even if it can be hard to find those few minutes a day devoted just to you- do it. Find the time. Leave the dishes. The floor can stay dirty for one more day. I found that my free time was going to cleaning. Nap times were spent scrubbing toilets and folding laundry and all that other garbage. Some days of course, but somedays maybe that's when you find some time for yourself and do something YOU want to do. I thought maybe I was depressed. Like late PPD. But the last few days I have been trying to do this, and have gotten a little better sleep and I feel much better. My mom has been here so it's been a little easier to make some time for myself. She left today so we'll see how easy this is with her gone. Haha but I just think when you're feeling run down, you just need to shut everything out for a little bit and take care of yourself. So that's my new goal! Wish me luck! And if you're feeling run down maybe you should try it too! 

C-section Recovery/ Round 2

Recovering from a C-section is rough. I always stay 4 days in the hospital so I can get every ounce of extra help I can get those first few days.
When my Dr. was putting everything together after Jag was born he told me that I had a lot of scar tissue around my uterus. Like so much he couldn't take it out and clean it all out and sew me back together like he usually does to his patients. So I didn't think too much of it at the time. Then at my 6 week apt. I asked him about it some more. He basically asked if I wanted more kids. I said, yeah probably 1 more. And he said that I should probably get a hysterectomy after my next c section and that he for sure wouldn't advice me having more than 4 c sections. Which is fine because that's a lot of kids and 3 is crazy, so if I can have one more, that'd be great. But the thought of having a hysterectomy seems so final. If I have a boy next then I'll have a hard time having it done. knowing I'd never have a girl is kind of hard for me. But if that's what happens, it'll be fine.
So after I learned all that about the scar tissue, I knew I would need to really take it easy for my recovery. I really try. But when you have 3 kids....... and you're stubborn.......sometimes staying in bed is hard. But I think I did pretty good. My mom was with me and was a huge help. So was Dan of course. That man is getting major celestial points for putting up with me and all my medical crap. he's the best.
This recovery I was bleeding.  quite a bit. For quite a long time. And that's not that normal for a c section. So I'm hoping that everything is ok in there! haha. I didn't want to pay the tons of $$$$ for a scan. and the bleeding was minimal by the time I talked to my Dr. about it. I just tried to take it easy and as long as I was up on my pain meds I was good to go! The nursing issues were way worse than the c section recovery. See my other post for that......
having a planned C section was actually pretty nice. I really liked picking out the date, going in and bam! It's done. No contractions or water breaking. No hours of contractions and no progress. I gave it a good try. Twice. So I feel great about having planned c sections here on out.
I didn't use a belly band or any waist trainer type things that they always say work miracles. I work like compression high waisted panties and those were great! You don't feel like you're going to fall out your incision, and they're comfy.
My best advice for women recovering from a c section/rules for myself when I look back on this;)
C section necessities are
comfy undies
sweats
good pain meds
a step stool next to your bed
Dr Pepper (for the dreaded #2. It works way better than stool softners. TRUST ME!)
Supportive Pillows for nursing. Behind your back and for under the baby. Your stomach muscles will hate you if you try to use them
TRY: not to laugh, lift, twist, or cough. Seriously 2 nights after my surgery I swallowed water down the wrong pipe and had to cough then sneeze and I thought I had ripped my stitches open. It was horrible haha.
Just try to take it slow! There are layers or stitches inside and it takes a long time to be able to move and stretch like normal without tugging and pulling and stiffness. Just be patient and let your body heal!

Nursing

Nursing this sweet boy has seriously been the worst.
First of all, I am part Heffer........I produce so much milk. Like I was pumping 9 oz out of each side in the beginning. Now it's just the usual 5-6 oz. But I seriously think I've had every problem you can have when it comes to breastfeeding this time around.
Mastitis
overproduction
engorgement
Thrush-twice
not to mention the numerous plugged ducts.
I've had lots of plugged ducts in my breastfeeding adventures. But this time it's horrible. It's like once a week. And I break out in sweats, chills, and headaches. I dread it! I know how to prevent them, yes. And I try to make sure my breast is always empty, that my bras are underwireless and all that good crap. but it still happens and it's seriously so annoying. I've considered stopping multiple times. But basically formula is expensive. So i've thought about pumping exclusively. Sounds like a huge pain in the butt and way too time consuming. When my baby is hungry, I don't have time to defrost milk. or warm it up. He's hungry NOW.
So I'm trying to roll with the punches.
But so help me if I get thrush or mastitis one more time! That will be the end of it.
Anyone have a hard time breast feeding? Anything help? It's a full time job, breastfeeding.

Jagger Matthew Morley

I have been so behind on blogging! Since having Jag, it seems like time has been flying by! He just turned 5 months and is the sweetest thing in the whole wide world!
A little about his birth!
If you've been following my other blog www.meetthemorleys.blogspot.com you might know that the end of my pregnancy was scary and super stressful. I don't know why I didn't write more about that here. So basically I was diagnosed with Cholestasis. Or ICP. There was too much bile in my liver and it was released into my blood stream and it is dangerous for the baby. I had a severe case and was being very closely monitored. Lots of ultrasounds and blood work and non stress tests. So I was so anxious to get him here. With cholestasis they don't like to let you go past 37 weeks. The risks are too high that your baby won't survive after that point.
It was a Sunday, 37 weeks exactly. I went into the hospital at 4:30. They hooked me up to an IV and all that fun stuff. Before I knew it, I was ready for my c-section. (I went ahead and did a repeat c section because of all the risks with my cholestasis. I just wanted to get him out and know he was healthy). I was so worried about getting a spinal because normally you're in pain from contractions so you don't hate the epidural as much. Thankfully it was a breeze and so much easier and less painful that I was thinking it was going to be. So once that was in it was only about 10-15 minutes before baby was here. I actually can't remember the exact time of his birth right now. I want to say 6:48 A.M.
He was so perfect. I was so worried there was going to be issues with him being born so close to full term. Not to mention all the horror stories with Cholestasis, and I also had too much amniotic fluid which has more risks to it as well. I just started crying when I heard him crying. I couldn't wait to hold him. Dan held him next to me and I was so happy to just have him here and safe. Just thinking back to how horrible the last part of my pregnancy was then seeing him for the first time makes me choke up. It's such a blur now and life has just been in fast forward mode since I had him. So when I sit back and think of all it took to get him here healthy, I can't believe we went through all that. He was so worth it. of course! but he is just the sweetest happiest little guy!
The boys instantly fell in love. They just adore Jag and are constantly trying to be near him and hold him. I love the bond they already have. He is the perfect addition to our family!